It's Payback Time
by DarkWolfXIII
Summary: After finding excrutiatingly annoying lists around their home, Organization XIII is determined to get some payback at the only people who would write them. No, not the Keyblade Wielder, the Hollow Bastion Restoration Committee! Chaos ensures.
1. Chapter 1

**Alright everyone, this is technically now one year in the making since I haven't been on here much, but now I'm back to write more stories and hilarious "How to Annoy" lists. Following my "ways to make the Organization kill you", and with the help of one of my reviewer's of the story I decided to let the Organization get some payback, and now here's the fruit of their efforts. **

**How to make the Inhabitants of Radiant Garden/Hollow Bastion murder the absolute hell out of you.**

**WARNING: Contains violence, character bashing (slight) and total weirdness against Kingdom Hearts, Disney and Square Enix characters. Read at your own risk! You may suffer from mass hysteria, split sides... And slight erectile dysfunction.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any Kingdom Hearts/Square Enix related characters, the geniuses who created them do!**

**x.X.x.X.x**

"What's say you about the recent outbreak of heartless in Port Royale, Superior?" The silverette raised an eyebrow at the newly found and rather out-of-character slang the Second in Command had recently picked up.

"Honestly VII, I send you on a mission to the pirate world for one day and already you're talking like one of them." He gave a rare smirk that only few organization members had ever witnessed. "I'd expect as much from the others but never you."

The two continued down one of the twisting white halls they always seemed to be travelling through, both of them feeling slightly peckish after a day of missions to other worlds and cleaning up after the younger members had blown a hole through his office wall.

For the fifth time in a week.

They rounded a corner, stopping only upon seeing almost every other member around the kitchen table and... Smiling? Laughing?

"What's going on here everyone? Did you push IX down the stairs again?"

"Far from it Superior." Number IV said, keeping his orchard green eyes fixed on the giggling Nobodies. "Do you remember a week ago when some little bastard stuck all those lists around our castle? Well we've sort of come up with an infantile way of getting payback."

Xemnas couldn't help but cock his head slightly to the side in confusion, like Saix sometimes did subconsciously, watching as the group start bursting out in laughter again. "Payback? How so?"

"We're writing revenge lists!" Demyx screamed excitedly from somewhere inside the pile.

"...What."

"We're going to pay those bastards in Hollow Bastion for what they did! We'll write lists about every member of that stupid Restoration Committee and post them all over town!" Vexen sighed heavily at Xigbar's loud remark, rubbing his temple. The Superior simply stared.

"We don't even know if they were the ones who wrote them!"

"Maybe not! But they're the ones with the most reason to do it!"

"What about the Keyblade kid?" Axel piped up from behind the Melodious Nocturne, who was currently busy writing down another strange though wonderfully funny line (as Demyx had labelled to them). Xigbar paused, glaring daggers at the red porcupine, his icy stare only having half the impact due to his missing eye. Which was totally not Xaldin's fault. (1)

"Even if it was that little wiener, he's always hangin' around with them, so they're the most obvious choice. Besides, if we hit them, it'll send a message back to IB 1, 2 and 3." (2)

"Ugh, whatever." The blonde Nobody threw his hands over his head, leaving the Superior's side –Xemnas still silent with confusion- and walking over to the group, reading some of the things they had wrote down. Xemnas glanced over to his Second in Command, searching for some sort of answer to this utter nonsense. Saix shrugged, the two moving in and picking up one of the papers.

After reading the first line, he rolled his amber eyes, shaking his head slowly and setting it back down with the others.

"You know what, fellow members? Go nuts, I have reports that need writing out. Call me if anything goes wrong. Or if anyone dies."

"Alrighty!"

Xemnas portalled out of the bustling dining room, the others thinking he had portalled straight to his large, quiet office. Little did they know the usually calm and collected member had jumped to the farthest room in the castle, so as they couldn't hear his uncontrollable laughter erupting from his lungs.

**x.X.x.X.x**

**Meh. A simple start, but should be a good few lists. It's the best I could do at 3 in the morning! **

**(1)- Yeahhhhh, I have Birth By Sleep, and I know how he really lost his eye :D**

**(2)- My grandfather used to call my two older brothers IB 1 and IB 2 when they were younger. Its short for Idiot Bastard One and Idiot Bastard Two XD**

**Next chapters up very soon, so please R&R! ~**


	2. The Unofficial Leader

**...Hooray! **

**First up, let's read what they wrote about the unofficial leader of the Hollow Bastion Restoration Committee, Leon (Squall) Leonhart!**

**Ways to make Leon assrape you with a tazer.**

Throw buckets of fleas at him.

.

Stick a sign on his back reading: 'I had sex with Cloud. YOU'RE NEXT.'

.

Put picture and videos of Cloud undressing or in the shower alllll over his computer.

.

Better yet, make them pictures of Merlin.

.

Tell him Tifa wants him inside her.

.

Or better yet, tell him CID wants him inside him.

.

Hack into his computer and change the language to Romanian.

.

Laugh hysterically as you hear all his swears floating up from the bailey because of all his failed attempts to use his computer.

.

Get Merlin to create a hair dye that changes odd colours at random intervals.

.

Lather Leon's hair in it.

.

Call him "Mr. Lava lamp"

.

Every time he walks past, play "Bringin' Sexy Back." Loud enough to make surrounding people's ear's bleed.

...

Leon gently set the piece of paper down, sighing. "Cloud, is this really how it's going to be? Then so be it."

...

**I was in a crazy mood. Next up, Merlin XD**

**Old people are fun.**


	3. The Wizard

**Right now I'm hyped up on diet coke, so excuse me if this list is highly outrageous and retarded. OH but the Organization wrote this, not me! Eheh... Bunnies. Also, I may be thinking of doing "How to Annoy" files with characters other than from the Kingdom Hearts/Final Fantasy seires i.e, the Akastuki or Gotei 13. If you want YOUR favourite character tormented for shits n' giggles, just send me the idea in a riview or inbox me! I'd love to hear your ideas ;P**

**Usual disclaimers apply.**

**Ways to make Merlin poke both your eyes out with his wand and eat them.**

Call him "Oldie Mc Fart Pants"

.

Switch all his book covers around

.

Sit back and laugh as he questions his sanity

.

Shave off his beard and glue it to the ceiling.

.

Better yet, glue google eyes to it and watch everyone start having mass heart attacks from the hair monster in the ceiling.

.

Take all his glasses and poke out all the lenses.

.

Put dishwashing liquid alllllll over his floors.

.

Videotape him slipping about EVERYWHERE.

.

Glue pretty pink streamers to the ends of all his wands.

.

Replace his old granny slippers with rollerblades and roll him out the door.

.

Better yet, build stairs leading from his house, and then roll him out the door.

...

**Poor Merlin, he only wants to live. You may need an ambulance handy after this. Next up is everyone's favourite emotionally unstable blonde, Cloud Strife! **


	4. The Emotionally Unstable

**Usual disclaimers apply. **

**The next instalment of List-Making-Madness, titled:**

**Ways to make Cloud Strife try to asphyxiate you with horrible flavoured ice-cream.**

Because apparently horrible flavoured ice-cream can cause asphyxiation.

When he's looking very calm, run up to him, point and scream "WATCH OUT SEPHIROTH'S GOT A KNIFE!"

.

Chop off an odd number of his head/hair spikes.

.

Make a depressed looking Cloud plushie from them.

.

Call him the Sad Lamb of Radiant Garden. ALL THE TIME.

.

When he's asleep, write "Sad Lamb" in permanent marker on his forehead (1). Add teardrops for funzies.

.

Run around persuading everyone to not inform him of the profanity.

.

Make a raincloud out of cardboard on a stick.

.

Draw a frowny face on it and pull it out over his head whenever he's in a conversation with someone.

.

Tell him Sephiroth ate Tifa.

.

Convince him Scrooge McDuck is actually a bomb created by Rufus.

.

Laugh hysterically (and videotape if you wish) at a screaming Cloud who is attempting to rip a duck's head off in the middle of town.

.

Schedule a field trip with one of the neighbouring Radiant Garden kindergarten schools to have a field trip right when Cloud is attempting the beheading of the duck.

...

**The poor Kindergarten kids. Shame on Cloud for traumatizing them. Do not blame me if Cloud starts crying after you unleash these on him! **

**(1)- I've done this to someone. When they were asleep, I wrote Mansex on their leg in capitals with permanent marker. Oh what a party that was XD**

**Next up is Tifa, so tell me what you think so far!**


End file.
